bitter blackberry blogging

It's 4am and rather than pull out the laptop & stay up all night I figured I'll just write from here & hopefully crash back asleep after.

¤I got a memo today at work that says all annual reviews not processed by May 15 would not be eligible for retro-active pay... Bu-bye $3K for me...

¤PC is NOT inviting me camping for Memorial weekend. On top of that PC is generally to busy for anything lately... Which of course makes me want him more.

¤the Jedi asked if I wanted to go see Hot Fuzz tonight (last night) and we LOVED Shaun of the Dead, so I said yes... After feeding MMMs cat, we should have gone straight to get to the theater, instead he turned left and we ended up at a fancy wine bar drinking $12 glasses of Pinot Noir & eating oysters baked with bacon & artichokes... It was lovely & romantic, we were flirty & laghing, having (I thought) a really good time. At the end of the night, we're both a bit tipsy from the wine & he gave me a long hug, he leaned down to kiss me and when I tilted my chin up he stopped short & said "go call PCsrealname"...

When will I learn???

k... I'm drunk...

I've had a horrible week at work, and my best girl friend is leaving for the weekend, and wanted to go to "the bar" tonight cuz she won't be able to go this weekend.... I told her there would be NO ONE to see at "said bar"... but I think she really wanted to go just for the feel of it... so we went...

I had 2 drinks & a shot... not a bad night... but I think I had them in less than an hour... and with no food in my stomach... so ya... I'm drunk...

all I want to do right now is see PC... it's so hard not to type his name... but it's one of those realizations that I'm not sure I"m happy with. I did call him & it went to voice mail... but before I could leave a message he was ringing on the other line... it was the best part of my day, hearing his voice... hearing what he had to say.. he was concerned that I'd been drinking, he wanted to know where I was, who I was with, and how I got home... he cares... I know he does...

He wants to see me after class tomorrow. I'm not sure how to deal with this... I'm not sure I've been in a "normal" relationship before.... I've always been the "savior"... the one who takes care of things and fixes things.. the one who makes everything "ok"... PC doesn't need saving... he's got his shit together... and that leaves me nothing left to do... the most he's ever asked of me is to pick out a cologne that I liked for him...

My co-dependency is going thru withdrawals and I don't know how to deal with that... I know I should be OK with this... and look at me.. .just searching and digging for something to just "be wrong" with him... and yet... there's not... I call him drunk as a skunk on a Wednesday evening... and all he wants to do is make sure I wasn't driving and that I'm home safe... I remember the first weekend after we met... I was out with MMM and he was the DD for his friends that night... he called me after last call and asked if I was ok... I told him that MMM was totally sober, and that we were fine... and he didn't care... he still came and got me, took me home with nothing more than a kiss and a "see you tomorrow"... and he's done that a few times now... it's almost like I finally have someone who's watching out for me... and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

I wish I could trust men... could believe there just may be someone out there who's not out for just sex or money... that may care... and may love...

fuck... I'm so going to hate myself tomorrow when I read this... and I deserve every bit of "get-over-yourself" comments that I get... cuz this is just lame... if I don't believe that love exists... I don't deserve to get it...

deep down there's a post...

but I'm thinking (almost)too hard... and I can't get it to come out the way I want...

Yep, you heard me right... my thoughts are constipated...

anyway... is 3 months too soon to go away for a long weekend with a guy you're dating?

I know I don't have a lot of readers and/or commenter's... but I'm hoping to get some insight... I know that Memorial Day is coming up... and I'm just wondering if Prince Charming is going to invite me along for his camping trip he has planned...

I'd love to go... but I'm pretty sure 3 months is too soon, and he's not gonna ask me... I'm also trying to convince myself that he thinks it's too soon that way I won't be disappointed when he doesn't ask me...

I want to be wrong...

just for the record... I really want to be wrong about PC.

I'm not going to stop seeing him all together, I'm just going to not "put all my eggs in one basket" so to say. I don't want to be the chaser in this relationship... It seems every time I start a new romantic relationship... the guy is chasing me... complaining that I don't have enough time, that I'm too busy, that I have too many guy friends... and I take that to heart and over time I become the girl that is waiting by the phone and complaining that I'm sitting at home on a Saturday night. I don't want to long for this... I just want someone who wants me...

So, to down play the over dramatic emotions I was feeling yesterday... I guess I'm just going to sit back and see what happens... and let it be just what it is...

I guess I just thought after 2 months... it would be more... I'm not sure why I'm trying to rush things...

I'm a bit blue...

I thought a lot about Prince Charming this weekend, being away... he was gone last weekend in Mexico... I was in Reno...

We did hang out when I got home last night, and I'm not sure if it was because we were both tired, or if the "newness" has worn off... or if it's just not going to work and we're both realizing it... but last night just didn't feel right.

It felt forced, and awkward... and uncomfortable... I think I want more than he has time to give... and he knows it...

I don't think I've mentioned on this blog before, that PC is 10 years younger than me. I had a problem with it at first, and everyone around me tried to convince me that I shouldn't... at this point, age really isn't an issue...

My mom is 6 years older than my step-dad... I know a lot of couples that have pretty significant age differences that work just fine. I know that this one could work... but here's "the thing"...

I remember 25... what do I remember? EVERY SINGLE NIGHT of the week I had something planned to do... Monday Night Football, Tuesday was dollar taco night at the local cantina, Wednesday was "college night" at every single bar & pub in town, we had Thursday Night Market downtown, which was supposed to be like a "farmers market" but in all reality was just a meat (meet?) market for singles, Friday & Saturday were... well... they were "Friday & Saturday"... and Sunday was the day to BBQ with friends... I never had a night just to hang at home... the only thing that stopped me from this behavior was meeting the Basketball Player (who doesn't deserve a listing in my cast... )... who I was with for 7 years... it took him about 6 months of bitching and complaining that I partied to much... and I finally "settled down"... to never pick it back up again...

So PC is 25... and he has plans... EVERY SINGLE NIGHT... looking back at our history... I just happen to be his Sunday plans... and occasionally Wednesday after he gets out of class...

I don't want to be someone who "fits in" to his schedule... I want him to call me up and say "hey... I'm working on my dad's truck tonight... wanna come over and keep me company?" or "Thursday night a bunch of friends are going for Pizza... join us!"...

So while what we have is nice... I think developing a rut after two months is a sign... and it's really too bad... cuz I like him a lot... but I'm not going to settle this time... I'm not going to go thru my week, day by day, wanting more...

I can sleep...

So, Monday, Prince Charming drove back home from Mexico... he'd left Huntington Beach at 4am to avoid traffic and he made it back by about 11ish. I called him at 12:30 thinking he'd still be on the road, but he was just getting ready to lay down for a nap... he asked me what time I got off work... and I told him 4:30. He said he'd talk to me then...

He called and we decided to go grab dinner at 7 and then rent a movie... we sat and he told me all about his ride to/in Mexico and all the cool people he met and the crazy stuff they did... I showed him some of his drunken text messages to me and we laughed... it was great.

We got to Blockbu$ter and when they went to pull up my account, I gave the jedi's last name (we share the account)... now the jedi happens to share his last name with a couple of famous actors... one of them a star of the show 24 and then of course his father... and the clerk at Blockbu$ter asked if I was related and I of course totally played along like I was... it's so funny... I'm so loud and outgoing and Prince Charming is Mr. Quite as a Mouse... he stood and just watched me... with a grin on his face... I was almost afraid that I was scaring him... not to sound crazy, but I swear there was a look of adoration as he watched me smile and flirt with these strangers....

Is there something to that? Can a shy, quiet guy be OK with a loud, flirty, larger than life redhead? hmmmm?

Anyway... we're back at my house... and we lay down to watch a movie, he pulls me close to him... and within minutes I fall asleep... OK, I have issues... as history would have it, when a guy is laying in the bed next to me, I don't sleep... I'll lay there, listen to him breath, or snore, sometimes I'll prop myself up on one elbow and watch his chest rise up & down or his nostrils flare... but I DON'T sleep...

The Jedi & I shared a bed 2-3 times a week from September to April years back, and even with him... if I wanted to sleep, I'd have to go out and sleep on the couch, or more often than not... I'd just get up after he was asleep and drive home to sleep in my own bed... the boyfriend before that... the basketball player... we just never clicked like that... in fact, the only time I can ever remember actually sleeping when a member of the opposite sex is sharing my bed, is when I've been so drunk I've literally passed out...

But Monday night... after a weekend of missing him, exchanging dozens of drunk text messages, and long ass conversations on the phone while he was driving... you would have thought that being in a bed next to him, I'd be doing EVERYTHING but sleep... but as we laid and watched the movie, he held my hand with his arms around me... I found myself burying my face in his side... and I slept...

I woke up as the credit's rolled and he got up to leave, as usual, he kissed me goodnight and I watched him drive away... the next day I apologized for crashing on him, and he answered "Don't feel bad about falling asleep, I don't mind."...

for the first time in my life, saying that I've found a guy I can sleep with... means something entirely different to me.

I'm tryin' people... really I am!!!

I've started this post like... every single day since Sunday... and something always comes up and interrupts my ass and I have to hit the little red ex in the left hand corner (dam Mac users...) and it asks me if I want to save as draft and I always look at what I've written and think... "Damn that's dull!"... so I say "NO"... and then you get nothing...

my bad! I'll do my best to catch you up on the latest... Where should I start?

• I didn't get the job... which is "OK"... I did want it... but I didn't need it... so I suppose I'll just try to change my attitude and re-learn to love my job like I did way back when...

• I think I may have either a hernia or acid reflux or something... I have a dr. appt tomorrow to find out...

• I'm totally in like with Prince Charming...
  

he came over last night and we watched a movie and it was so nice to just lay on my bed and have his arms around me. I hate to admit this... but I've never been comfortable holding hands with guys. It may be because I have arthritis (and therefore the crooked/stiff hands of a 90 year old woman) but it just never felt right with anyone else... or maybe it always just felt forced... I'm not sure... but with PC... it feels perfect. There's something about him that just feels so right. I love having him near me.

He's the first guy that I don't stress about... I don't freak out that I'm not going to see him, or that he doesn't call at certain times or that he doesn't return a text message within "so many" minutes... for some reason I just am comfortable that he is going to eventually call... OK... maybe that's not entirely accurate... I still think in my head "why hasn't he called me yet?"... but then I think, almost immediately... "it's ok... he will when he can..." and he always does... not once has he disappointed me... and the one night he didn't reply to a text I sent him, he called and APOLOGIZED because he was studying and had turned his phone off... :swoon:

I do think about him often... and sometimes wish I saw more of him... but we've got some sort of thing going on that just make me feel like everything is just going to be OK. Maybe it's because we're not moving too fast... maybe because I know it's not all about sex... maybe it's because it's not too serious... I dunno...

Of course... doesn't hurt that he also kisses me goodbye EVERY time he leaves me... why does that matter to me? I dunno... but it does... shush!

• Mom & step-Dad got back from England baring all sorts of yummy presents...

Candy that I don't really need (hello... 14 more pounds please!!!!) but REALLY love... Smarties, Flake, Crunchies, Flying Saucers, Sherbet Fountains, Dip Dabs, Tea & Biscuits... and probably a lot more... but I'm lacking motivation to get off my sugar-coma'd ass to go look in the bag... she also brought me lot's of "pressies" from Aunts, Uncles & Cousins... they're all still sitting in the bags I brought them home in... I love all the stuff... but I need to put up some shelves or get an entertainment center or book shelves or something... I ALREADY have more nick nacks than I know what to do with.

I asked my mom to "veto" my christmas present and get me in England... she brought me back a gorgeous necklace made of bristol glass... it looks soooooo pretty on... I'll have to get pictures of me wearing it when we're at the wedding I'm going to this weekend.

Oh... last thing... I did a "trial" run on MMM's hair to see how well it curls and it turned out so good we took pictures... I'm rather proud of both her hair and the photos... /brag

OK... so riddle me this... I see my "British" family every few years... every other year at the MOST... I spend maybe 3 weeks with them... and I try to be on my best behaviour around them... of course! Well, one of the presents that my cousins sent back over for my sisters & me were beaded bracelets... BabyGirl... my beautiful, lovely, 19 year old youngest sister got "Purity"... MamaGirl... my wonderfully married, kind, pregnant 22 year old sister got "Believe". Very fitting... and appropriate... now me... the single... 35 year old... lives with 2 male roomates... brought a woman friend to the last family reunion... doesn't go to church as often as she should... what does she get??? Hmmmm... what exactly does this say about me?

5 minutes...

It's been a long week... My mom & step-father came back from England, so I had to drive down to SFO to pick them up and entertain their jet-lagged butts for 2 days.

WoW boy (roommate) and Jedi got into a physical altercation after WoWboy's "girlfriend" (they haven't been seeing each other for MONTHS) posted on her MySpace that she was sleeping with someone else... it was one of those situations where WoWboy was mad at her but started taking it out on me... so (unbelievably and surprisingly) the Jedi stood up for me and told him to shut-up... and it got physical from there... and of course WoWboy's dad tried to break it up, and probably got a little more than appropriately physical with the Jedi... needless to say... his pride is more hurt than anything else... fighting between "Friends" is never good...

The next day... we're at work and the Jedi get's some cryptic message about his mom... something stroke... something 911 wasn't called... something we'll call you later...

so hours of stress later... we find out that Grandma G is in the hospital... when she went for the phone it speed-dialed the church... and as technologically advance the BigGuy is... it still took over 45 minutes for the church to contact ANYONE to get someone to her house and get her to the hospital... seems like she's gonna be OK... Jedi is down there today with the Sith and Padawan... funny how they've seemed to fallen back into a family unit... and as I've said before, I seem to be more ok with that than I would be if he was seeing someone new... how sick am I?

Speaking of "Seeing someone new..." (awesome segue Tori!) Prince Charming is still pretty much that... if he's not my boyfriend, he's definiatly my "Sunday boyfriend and text message boy". We've spent every Sunday since we've met doing something fun... and we usually see each other one or two other times during the week for just an hour or so... but so far... I really like him and enjoy what we have... as MMM says... "don't think to hard... it is what it is..."

Problem is... I know he's at a study group for Law School tonight... and I know they'll probably have a few beers while studying (I'm picturing that scene in "A Few Good Men")... but I just don't feel like going to the bar to watch the A's and the Giants play (not each other)... I'd rather sit at home and twitter and stickam and pretend I know how to design a blog design...

OK... so the 2nd problem is I gave myself 8 minutes to type this out and get done... and I only have 1 left... so I gotta wrap up... pfft...

Have a great Friday... I'll come back tomorrow with more deep thoughts by Tori Blaine...

Sacrifice...

I'm beginning to wonder if it's time...

Do I need to sacrifice little things I enjoy now for ultimate happiness later?

I think I do... I think it's time to not stress about how he doesn't kiss my neck the way I like, for the fact that he holds my hand and kisses me good-bye...

I think it's time to give up the hours and hours of lazy web surfing, for a job that could take me places far beyond anything I can even imagine today...

I think it's time to give up some simple things... sacrifice them for the greater good...

Yes my friends... I'm afraid it's time... it's time to grow up.

really??

Has it been since Tuesday since I updated???

OH... I did the famous meme, that's right... I knew I'd been here this week...

I need a nap... I need to NOT go out tonight... I need to stop working 6 days a week... I need to wrap my arms around PC, lay my head on his chest, and match my breathing to his...

One of my bosses is getting married, and some how I've gotten the assignment to help plan the wedding... which is enjoyable, but damn is it stressful... I'm running down to San Francisco to get this and try that and look at the other thing...

-aside... if and when I ever decide to share my life with a man... and we decide to marry... (unless he's extremely wealthy)... I plan on doing it on the beach in Lake Tahoe... I'll announce it here.. you all are invited... it will probably be a potluck BBQ and involve keg's and Cold Duck... but hey... we'll have fun... I promise....

PC works full time and is in Law School 3 nights a week... this week I remembered how stressful the end of semesters get... you know... that last month before finals when papers are due and it all comes down to all or nothing...

I know life will simplify when this wedding is over and he's out of school... but right now I think we communicate more via Text Message than face to face and it scares me to think how we'll actually get along when we have time for each other... ya know... other than the dinner dates, movie dates and cocktail dates... what's going to happen when we finally just "hang out"?

OK... on that note... there's another guy who I met a couple weeks ago... I've only hung out with him when we happen to be at the same place, namely a bar of some sort.... and he REALLY likes me... he wants to take me out for dinner and all that... now this guy is new in town... and he's not on the up and up... but claims he wants to be... lets just say right now his job is lucrative but illegal..

He says he'll get out of that business in about a month when the construction work starts up again... now this is my thinking... if he's going to be on the straight and narrow when the weather's good... what's to stop him from going back to this "other job" in the rainy season again??? Am I over thinking this... am I shutting down a nice guy just because I refuse to have to visit him in jail or the hospital or a cemetery???

I am ABSOLUTELY not into that scene... NEVER have been... and at the age of 35 I'm not going to start... but really... can someone "get out" of that? I just can't picture myself with someone who I know people will associate with as a dealer... my step dad is a correctional officer, my mother is a drug & alcohol counselor... the jedi's ENTIRE family are law enforcement of some kind and my roommates girlfriend is part of our local Police Department.... and as "ok" as they are with me drinking and having fun... this would just be too much for me to explain I think... no matter how nice he is.

ok... I think I officially just broke my brain... I'm exhausted... I'm going to go to PC's house and watch Casino Royale and The Departed and do nothing else for the next 6 hours....

reliving my youth?

My mom was here over the weekend and left yesterday (thus the lack of updates) and we were talking over dinner about going out for Saint Patrick's Day. I had my vitamin B and was eating a big salad to "get ready" for the planned evening of drinking.

It was funny, because my mom looked at MMM and said "You know what's funny, up until a few years ago, she didn't drink at all..." and I thought about it for a spell...

dude... all i know is I'm acting like a sorority girl... and I need to stop... I'm not doing "un-healthy" things... I just know that the way I'm acting now is not how I want to be known... and since I'm starting a new relationship and all... I'd like him to know the real me... not the "let's drink every other night" me...I also think I could easily blame the Jedi for the increased drinking over the past few years... but I won't... I'll own it...

I'm having a metric fuckton of fun... but after this weekend... I need to set some limits...

notice i said AFTER this weekend.... MMM met a boy this past weekend and she wants to see him again... so we're going back to the Nutty and keeping our fingers crossed.

OK... funny stories from this weekend... hmmmm....

I can't think of anything really specific... but DAMN am I a looker right now... I've got some serious rubber neckin' comin' my way and I'm lovin' every minute of it... we had guys in cars playin' cat & mouse... guys on motorcycles watching us go by and it's so funny to see their helmets follow us.... guys buying me shots... guys asking for my number... guys guys guys guys...

all i know... is if PC & I don't define our relationship soon... I'm gonna get my ass in trouble... this whole "Free to do what I want" stint has me itching to act a little crazy...

update #2 / Irish Hell Week...

I went home right after work last night and took an hour nap... woke up and got ready for the St. Patty's Day party at MMM's mom's house.

She had very cute decorations, lots of very good wine, Corned Beef and yummy's... it should have been something to look forward to, an evening of fun... except... I don't know how to say it... lemme see if I can paint a picture for you...

We walk up to the front door... and MMM stopped short of the front door, she paused, warily looked my direction, and whispered... "grown ups"... we both groaned and rolled our eyes as the door opened and we saw what looked like the entire J.C. Penney Womens department. What is it with older women not wearing jeans? And the patterned tops?? huh... I just don't get it... and right now... my head hurts even thinking about it!

I know at the age of 35, technically I should BE a grown up... but I'm not... I'm single, share a house with roommates, we have a house keeper and a gardener, I don't have any kids, any pets, any responsibilities (other than myself) really... These people were talking about investments and social security and all sorts of stuff that I know I should pay attention to and learn from... but I think I was more concerned over whether or not PC was going to text me or not...

After one glass of Merlot... and a lesson on how most Merlot's are a combination of grapes but this particular Merlot was 100% zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Oh... sorry... I think I dozed off... where was I???

Anyway... after an hour I looked at MMM and asked if she was ready to go... now she reads my blog and was like "where do you want to go"... because ya know... my whole "not gonna drink Friday" proclamation... and I shrugged... she was so cute... she got this evil grin and was like "wanna go to the Nutty?"... I said sure and agreed with one stipulation "One drink & one shot"...and she was happy as a clam to kiss momma good bye and be on our way....

Well... I told you... all this red hair and freckles is dangerous around St. Patty's Day... I know for a fact I had at least 4 shots... and probably 3 drinks... and my bar tab you ask... $3. I'm guessing it was MMM's first drink. (I did start with water, for the record...)

My roommate and his trainwreck girlfriend were there, MMM was there... lot's of cute boys were there... a few old friends... a few new friends... it was a great time... I did get home safe and alone thanks to the roommate. I swear... before I started dating, I'd never get hit on... now that I have someone I'm interested in... the guys are all over me... I wish the quality was there, I mean if I want to go home with drug dealers or old guys that are living out of their work office... I've got it made!

PC is out on a club ride this morning so he didn't join me last night, but we did text back and forth a few times... he stayed home and watched "Borat" which I refuse to see... I don't care how many people tell me how great it is... and I agree that Sacha Baron Cohen is a comedic genius... I just can't watch unknowing/unwilling people made fools of... it makes me really uncomfortable... I don't know why and I can't explain it... but PC did text me after watching the movie and advised me he thought it was "lame"... he's winning his way into my heart more and more every day...

Looking at my phone, I didn't make an ass out of myself with drunken text messages or anything, in fact... PC is still the sweetest guy... his "good morning, have a nice day" text message at 8:20 a.m. this morning saved my ass. I had to be at work at 8:30 and I didn't set an alarm... I guess being 15 minutes late to work is better than hours... right?

early morning thoughts...

Steak & Blow Job Day needs to be on a weekend....

I'm just saying...

out of control...

and lovin' every minute of it...

yesterday was my roommates birthday so we went out for cocktails... I tried to only have 2... but failed...

I ended up totally buzzed and hyper aggressive with Prince Charming... and I'm embarrassed this morning... my friends say I shouldn't be... that he probably loved every minute of it...

so... now I'm not sure if I should just let it go... and pretend that throwing him down on my bed and practically molesting him is just something that may occasionally happen while in my company... or if I should apologize for being a little out of hand last night...

300

Visually awesome movie!

OK... so I honestly couldn't tell you the "point" of the movie... but it kept my eyes riveted to the screen the whole 2 hours.

I remember something about a Persian threatening the Spartans... and something about some guy blackmailing the Queen... payback is a bitch, by the way... I think that may have been my favorite part of the movie!!! Anyway... there are parts of the movie I still don't understand, but I'm sure I'll see it again and I'm sure it'll sink in.

Saturday was spent recovering from drinking too much on Friday and texting Prince Charming (PC) all night. I know I wrote about this a few posts back... but I swear technology has made the whole "dating" process much easier... between being able to text or IM to set up dates... life is much easier than it was 10 years ago! His friend is threatening to send him to "TMA" (text messaging anonymous)... hold on... lemme go count really quick... is 165 messages in excess :eyeroll: (oh yea... i don't have simleys!)

Anyway... yesterday was a beautiful day... sunny and warm, even in San Francisco... which is rare... the drive across the bridge was gorgeous... we parked about a block away from the Metreon and I took PC up to the park/grassy area when we were walking... we went inside the mall and within minutes decided we'd rather be outside... so we walked across the way to a bar with a courtyard... had dinner and a few cocktails... and then went for a walk around the "neighborhood"... went to stand in line about an hour before the movie... which seemed silly since we'd already bought the tickets, but PC got us soda and we just stood and talked some more. I love this part of dating... when you get to learn new things every time you hang out with someone.

The theater holds 600 people... we were probably in the first 100... so we got great seats, right dead center, close to the top... and I can't say for sure if the IMAX screen is much different than a normal screen... but like I said... visually... this movie is amazing... and even if it's not historically accurate, there were parts of it that did move me... I highly recommend it... and if you can take a handsome, sweet guy to hold hands with the entire time... even better.

saturday update...

in bullet point form cuz... well... i'm hungover...

• did Dial-A-Shot's with some board peeps last night and am paying dearly for it today.
• German Chocolate Cake shot's (made with splenda) are the best shots... hands down...
• watching a friend get into a really stupid bar fight sucks...
  
• drinking a diet coke or a water between cocktails makes memories of the evening much more clear...
• duh
  
• a cute boy was talking to me at the bar last night...
• 5 minutes into the conversation he started telling me about how much Cocaine he'd done that night
• the rest of the night watching him tweak was really entertaining to me & my girlfriend
• we fucked with him in subtle ways that karma is going to pay me back in some horrible way
• oops...
• last night was the first time in ages I closed the bar down
• what was I thinking?
• Prince Charming called at 1:46am to make sure I was "ok"
• he then proceeded to come pick me up and drive me home (very good idea... although I had saved $20 for the $4 cab-ride)
• he also dropped me off with just a kiss good-bye
• he did not take advantage of my drunkenness...
  
• this act of kindness (at 2AM) took him at least 20 miles out of his way from where he was vs where he was going...
  
• i think i like him
• a lot...
• we're going to San Francisco tomorrow to hang out and then catching "300" on IMAX
• IMAX better be worth the $33 price tag!
• the movie starts at 7pm
• we live about an hour away from the theater...
• he's picking me up at 2pm : )
• I can watch any of the Star Wars movies at any time
• Return of the Jedi is on right now...
• speaking of Jedi's... my Jedi is in Tahoe skiing with the Sith & Padawan this weekend
• I totally call them getting back together....
• why am I more ok with him going back to that bitch than I would be if he were to move on to someone new?
• Prince Charming just text'd me ""I can't wait for tomorrow"
• did I mention that i like him?
• I thought I had more to talk about... but I think Prince Charming has distracted me...
  

and yet... he's still so damn sweet....

today I worked 12 hours... yesterday too, and the day before that ... a few (4-5) times a year I have to do this for anywhere from 3 days to a full week... usually the first day I'm fine... the 2nd is still ok... but by the third day I'm wiped... I'm sure that's why, when I found out about the whole "asking other girls out" thing bothered me so much. I know a relationship isn't created in such a short period of time... and I need to realize that just because he's nice to me, doesn't mean he's not still going to "do his thing" and still go out with other girls.

On that note... we did hang out for about an hour tonight. I'd only been home for about half an hour... long enough to change out of my work clothes and settle down in front of the TV, when I got a call that he was in the area and could he stop by.

We just sat and talked... made plans to go into San Francisco on Sunday and have dinner and go see 300 at the IMAX theater...

We talked about his camping trip a little more... and Sand Mountain in Nevada and Glamis down south... it's cool to learn about stuff that is totally new to me (sand dunes/quads/sand cars)... but be able to discuss because I'm somewhat familiar with (dirt bikes, motorcycles and camping in general)... then we talked about going up to my stomping grounds in NorCal, he's got family up there too...

After an hour of chatting I walked him outside and took a look at his bike (he laid it down about a month ago and I wanted to see the damage) then said good-bye... I came back to my room and could do nothing but smile... he's nice... really really nice... and I have a feeling I'm looking for something wrong, before I end up liking him "too much"...

So I guess I just need to flippin' relax... and let life take its course... I'm getting upset about things that MIGHT happen... and if I keep that up I'm gonna end up more than a little bit crazy!

a little... well... a little more info...

sooo OK... maybe it's not jinxed... maybe it's just me over-reacting... or maybe not...

here's the deal.... so Jinx Guy... (who has a nick name in my head... just not sure if I like it or not)... anyway... I've known him less than two weeks... we've gone out on 2 dates, and hung out a third time to watch a movie... he's considerate... he's nice... he's sweet...

but he's dating other people... or at least still asking other people out...

OK... so we're not a couple... we're not exclusive... there's been no "define our relationship" talk... so he has every right to keep his options open until he's sure he wants anything more with me.

but still... it kinda stings... and I don't like that it stings... and I'm not sure what to think... I'm not good at this dating shit... can someone just find me a good man and super glue him to me please?!?

thar'she blows....

and thus... the jinx....

Not giving it up completely... just aware that "too good to be true"... usually is...

It bothers me that I'm surprised....

I can't keep quiet anymore... screw the jinx... if it's meant to be it's meant to be...

I met him last Sunday... the night of the Grammy's... my best girl friend had plans and I wanted to get out of the house... so I called the Jedi and asked if he wanted to go get food... he said no... I went alone.

I went to a Mexican food place downtown that has a bunch of flat screen's and isn't a "sports bar" and hoped it was slow enough that they'd have the award show on. Not that I really care who wins... I just like looking at the dresses and stuff... ya know?!

So... I go to order my favorite appetizer, Pequeños... the bartender says, "do you mean poquitos" and I look at the menu and read what poquito's are... and say... "no, I'm pretty sure it's called Pequeños... it's on the happy hour menu" but it's not happy hour, and the bartender can't see it on the menu or the computer, and therefore can't order it for me... so since I'm not trying to be difficult, I keep looking over the menu... but really... there's nothing else on the menu I want.

I sit for a few minutes... sipping my drink, still staring at the menu... and then... my Pequeños show up... so I look at the bartender and he shrugs and points... so I look over, and there sits this very cute guy, who smiles at me... and... well... that was the beginning... Now this relationship is brand spanking new... and I'm still super paranoid about jinxing it... but the whole point of this post (thank you for still reading, by the way) is that this guy is courteous! And it pisses me off that I'm surprised at that!!!

That first night, he walked me to my car... he asked me on Monday to go do something on Wednesday... on Wednesday, when he got caught up packing for his camping trip at a friends... he called me at 7:30 to tell me he may be a bit late for our 8pm date... on that same date, as it started to get late, and I asked him what time it was... as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, I saw that he had 8 missed calls... OK... he IGNORED his phone 8 times!!!!! I did ask about that, because that was just strange, but when he reminded me that he was leaving for vacation at 3:30am that morning and it was basically everyone calling/text messaging to make sure everyone had all their gear together...

On Thursday he text'd me and said the sweetest thing "Just wanted you to know, hanging out last night was the perfect way to start my vacation!"... (can I get a collective "awwwwww"...)

The weekend was spattered with text messages and calls... but the absolute best text message of all... Sunday morning... "We're on the road... Call you when I get home".... OH MY GAWD!!! This guy is a keeper... he's actually considerate enough to understand that "some people" (I won't say women, cuz I know it's not all women)... but some people worry... my mom, sisters, best friend... we're all that way... we call when we get on the road... we call when we get there... that's just us... HE'S ONE OF US!!!!

Tonight he calls (4 days in advance) to ask me if this weekend I'd like to see a movie I know he's been wanting to see, in fact I think that was one of the first things we talked about... He said he didn't like Ben Stiller, I said I didn't like Russell Crow... so we both decided to give each actor one more chance... so Sunday night I watched "Gladiator" for the first time with him... and I did like it... so we're off to see "300" this weekend. Anyone have any suggestions on which Ben Stiller movie I need to rent for him??