k... I'm drunk...
I've had a horrible week at work, and my best girl friend is leaving for the weekend, and wanted to go to "the bar" tonight cuz she won't be able to go this weekend.... I told her there would be NO ONE to see at "said bar"... but I think she really wanted to go just for the feel of it... so we went...
I had 2 drinks & a shot... not a bad night... but I think I had them in less than an hour... and with no food in my stomach... so ya... I'm drunk...
all I want to do right now is see PC... it's so hard not to type his name... but it's one of those realizations that I'm not sure I"m happy with. I did call him & it went to voice mail... but before I could leave a message he was ringing on the other line... it was the best part of my day, hearing his voice... hearing what he had to say.. he was concerned that I'd been drinking, he wanted to know where I was, who I was with, and how I got home... he cares... I know he does...
He wants to see me after class tomorrow. I'm not sure how to deal with this... I'm not sure I've been in a "normal" relationship before.... I've always been the "savior"... the one who takes care of things and fixes things.. the one who makes everything "ok"... PC doesn't need saving... he's got his shit together... and that leaves me nothing left to do... the most he's ever asked of me is to pick out a cologne that I liked for him...
My co-dependency is going thru withdrawals and I don't know how to deal with that... I know I should be OK with this... and look at me.. .just searching and digging for something to just "be wrong" with him... and yet... there's not... I call him drunk as a skunk on a Wednesday evening... and all he wants to do is make sure I wasn't driving and that I'm home safe... I remember the first weekend after we met... I was out with MMM and he was the DD for his friends that night... he called me after last call and asked if I was ok... I told him that MMM was totally sober, and that we were fine... and he didn't care... he still came and got me, took me home with nothing more than a kiss and a "see you tomorrow"... and he's done that a few times now... it's almost like I finally have someone who's watching out for me... and I'm not sure how to deal with it.
I wish I could trust men... could believe there just may be someone out there who's not out for just sex or money... that may care... and may love...
fuck... I'm so going to hate myself tomorrow when I read this... and I deserve every bit of "get-over-yourself" comments that I get... cuz this is just lame... if I don't believe that love exists... I don't deserve to get it...
I had 2 drinks & a shot... not a bad night... but I think I had them in less than an hour... and with no food in my stomach... so ya... I'm drunk...
all I want to do right now is see PC... it's so hard not to type his name... but it's one of those realizations that I'm not sure I"m happy with. I did call him & it went to voice mail... but before I could leave a message he was ringing on the other line... it was the best part of my day, hearing his voice... hearing what he had to say.. he was concerned that I'd been drinking, he wanted to know where I was, who I was with, and how I got home... he cares... I know he does...
He wants to see me after class tomorrow. I'm not sure how to deal with this... I'm not sure I've been in a "normal" relationship before.... I've always been the "savior"... the one who takes care of things and fixes things.. the one who makes everything "ok"... PC doesn't need saving... he's got his shit together... and that leaves me nothing left to do... the most he's ever asked of me is to pick out a cologne that I liked for him...
My co-dependency is going thru withdrawals and I don't know how to deal with that... I know I should be OK with this... and look at me.. .just searching and digging for something to just "be wrong" with him... and yet... there's not... I call him drunk as a skunk on a Wednesday evening... and all he wants to do is make sure I wasn't driving and that I'm home safe... I remember the first weekend after we met... I was out with MMM and he was the DD for his friends that night... he called me after last call and asked if I was ok... I told him that MMM was totally sober, and that we were fine... and he didn't care... he still came and got me, took me home with nothing more than a kiss and a "see you tomorrow"... and he's done that a few times now... it's almost like I finally have someone who's watching out for me... and I'm not sure how to deal with it.
I wish I could trust men... could believe there just may be someone out there who's not out for just sex or money... that may care... and may love...
fuck... I'm so going to hate myself tomorrow when I read this... and I deserve every bit of "get-over-yourself" comments that I get... cuz this is just lame... if I don't believe that love exists... I don't deserve to get it...
Labels: Prince Charming, questionable mental state
4 Comments:
I stalk your posts a lot more often than your comments. Do people really leave "get over yourself" snipes? That seems kind of harsh.
Hey, I do believe you are giving yourself a reality check. No get over yourself comments from me chickie! I think you are moving along... take a deep breath and let it flow. I think that you having to be the savior may be over and you will get where you are used to it, and then you will be in the middle of a normal relationship and you will love it.
cool. actual crunk blogging up close an dpersonal. I have heard of it before, but never wittnessed it! thanks!
Pee ess: it takes time, you cant rush it. so take the time. there really is no hurry
"get-over-yourself" there I said it...
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