I'm really tired...

and that's probably why I'm crying...

there's really no other reason for it... maybe I need it...

I'm so physically tired that I don't have the strength to hold up the wall that usually keeps my emotions in tact... and emotionally... I've been tired for months...

I feel like a waterfall of tension has finally over come me and I don't have either the strength to keep my swim back to land nor the sense to just float and keep my head above water...

This is different than the anger I felt last month, or the month before... then I had the get up and go to pack everything up and look for a new job and think about moving away...

This is just exhaustion... all I want to do is crawl into bed and wake up somewhere else...

I wish that there was a book I could get at the library or a video I could order on Amazon that could explain just why it is that I ended up the way I am...

there has to be some explaination as to why I keep ending up with the same situation, the same pain, the same arguments, with different men.... over and over and over and over....