Not quite sure what to think...

I'm probably breaking my own rule here about what I'm going to talk about in my blog...

but here goes...

I don't even know how to type the rest of the entry without sounding like a 7th grader sticking my tongue out and doing the "neener-neener-neener" song...

anyways... Padawan was all about Tori again yesterday... I think the not being "available" in the morning/early afternoon kind of threw him for a loop, because when I finally went over to "play", he was like "Dad, we're going to go play outside"... and that's exactly what we did... for 2 hours... without dad...

I finally told him we needed to go back and hang out with dad for the last hour, because I'd like to imagine that Dad would be kind of irritated if the last 3 hours he gets to spend with his son were spent NOT with his son...

So we go back inside, and then it's Lego's... and art... and at one point Padawan (who was overly tired at this point) had a major melt down and was just exhausted and got weirdly upset because I wasn't doing the same art as him... there were tears and sobs and all he wanted to do was cuddle... with me... not dad...

At this point... the phone rings... the Sith found out that the person she thought was her father isn't... a little traumatic, I'm sure... but last night she was somewhat freaking out to the Jedi, wanting to find out who her real father was, and she needed a computer. Since we had the Padawan, Jedi said she could come over and use my computer if she needed too...

OK... granted... it's definitely not my place to say who he can invite to his home... but for I waited on edge for him to ask me to leave... in my head I was DARING him to... (he didn't... he must enjoy living Ü )

So she comes over... upset... and this is where I thought things would just get completely uncomfortable... her son is cuddled up in my lap, and we're watching Charlie & the Chocolate Factory (the original... the new one creeps me out)... and of course she doesn't say a word to me, but she and the Jedi are talking about how this news was broken to her and how she wants to find out more about this person who may/may not be her father...

I say to the Padawan... "you should go say hi to mommy"... because I know she's feeling very strange (I would be) and you can never have enough hugs in that situation... and he says "where is she" (aside=we think he may have a hearing issue)... and I say at the kitchen table with dad... so what does he do? Sits up so he can lean over and see the table and says "Hi!" then lays back down and continues to watch the TV.

OOOOO KKKKAAAAAYYYYY.... she says hi back and things just continue on like she's not even there...

We eventually sit up and start to color... when he & I color, we both have to color the same page... we don't each have a page.... we share... it's be an odd argument that we have continually, because now that he's in Kindergarten I think he should do his own... but this argument is never ending and he just will not compromise... it's come down to the tears and sobs as I described above more than once...

So he & I are coloring... he's givin' me lovin' and kisses and calling me all the nick-names he has for me, for which there are many... and they're all very silly... and I'm just waiting for her to have an out and out fit... oh... I think I had the story about how she thinks I'm trying to make both her son's call me mom in my old blog, but yea... that was an argument this summer... it's false of course, but still but she doesn't...

Jedi is acting a little strange at first... I still think he doesn't want to own up to how close we are... twice he tried to act like he didn't know something about me that I KNOW for a fact he does... the 2nd time he tried I straight up said "I know you know what I'm talking about so don't look at me like you don't..." and I think he realized that I was calling him out... so he stopped.

He spent the evening going back and forth between sitting with her in the kitchen and with us in the living room... after about an hour her other son was dropped off by his father... so now it's like a family affair... Padawan, Brother & I sitting on the floor, playing with legos and coloring while watching the movie... and everything is groovy...

At one point I went in to the kitchen to help her on the internet... cuz I am the wiz when it comes to that... and we got to a place where she could at least request public records on this guy... and we talked normally... again... we're never going to be best friends... but the fact that we sat at the same table last night and neither of us bared fangs or claws... was a nice step in the right direction.

When she was finally ready to leave... Padawan was not... he wanted to stay and a minor tantrum ensued... so Dad agreed to carry him out to the car... and when they left she actually said both thank you AND goodbye to me... I was the only person in the room... it took all my might to not do the "look-around-to-see-who-she-was-talking-to" move... the honor of being acknowledged has been bestowed upon me... and I have to admit it felt good...

I sense "normal" in the distant future.. we may not be there yet... but there's a glimmer of it out there.