OH EM GEE
as Laurie would say!!!
soooo... today is Wednesday... the Jedi gets his son on Wednesday's and every other weekend...
Last Thursday is when the shit hit the fan... last weekend was NOT a padawan weekend...
now while it wasn't a padawan weekend, it was, quite possible, one of the more miserable weekends of my adult life...
today is a padawan day...
as much as I wanted to run away and never come back last weekend, the love that little boy shares with me hit me like a ton of bricks today, realizing it will not be as "easy" as it may have felt a mere 3 days ago...
He's 4... he'll be 5 at the end of October... He's got his Mom, his Dad... a brother... his brother's dad (who he also calls dad)... me... grandparents... uncles & aunts... and he loves us all... the child never runs out of love...
sure he has cranky days... but today was not one of them... if it would have been... it would have been much easier to keep the "run as fast as you can" frame of mind that I had...
but NOOOOOO... today was an "I love Tori" day... it was hugs and kisses and "I wanna sit next to Tori!" and "Tori, ride in the back seat with me!" and "Tori, read me a story!" and "Tori, play this game with me!"... (I don't know how much longer I can keep up the pseudonym/alias... that just doesn't read right at all to me!) he drew me pictures and wrote love notes and made a "quilt" for "the three of us", Jedi, Padawan & Tori... he treat's us like a unit... which was one of the Jedi's arguments... how could I leave??... what would he tell the padawan?
At the time I didn't care... I was more caught up in my feelings and the jedi running off to sleep with some whore...
I know, at the age of 4 (almost 5) that he would miss me and it would take some adjustment for him... but I also know that because he has the list of loved ones I named above... in the long run... he'd be just fine... and probably forget about me before too long...
but I'd never be able to forget him... 3 years... man, what a short time to have such a large influence on me!
I sit and think as OK as I feel about living without the Jedi, yea, it'd be rough, but I'd survive... I've come to realize just how much I'd hate to live without his son...
soooo... today is Wednesday... the Jedi gets his son on Wednesday's and every other weekend...
Last Thursday is when the shit hit the fan... last weekend was NOT a padawan weekend...
now while it wasn't a padawan weekend, it was, quite possible, one of the more miserable weekends of my adult life...
today is a padawan day...
as much as I wanted to run away and never come back last weekend, the love that little boy shares with me hit me like a ton of bricks today, realizing it will not be as "easy" as it may have felt a mere 3 days ago...
He's 4... he'll be 5 at the end of October... He's got his Mom, his Dad... a brother... his brother's dad (who he also calls dad)... me... grandparents... uncles & aunts... and he loves us all... the child never runs out of love...
sure he has cranky days... but today was not one of them... if it would have been... it would have been much easier to keep the "run as fast as you can" frame of mind that I had...
but NOOOOOO... today was an "I love Tori" day... it was hugs and kisses and "I wanna sit next to Tori!" and "Tori, ride in the back seat with me!" and "Tori, read me a story!" and "Tori, play this game with me!"... (I don't know how much longer I can keep up the pseudonym/alias... that just doesn't read right at all to me!) he drew me pictures and wrote love notes and made a "quilt" for "the three of us", Jedi, Padawan & Tori... he treat's us like a unit... which was one of the Jedi's arguments... how could I leave??... what would he tell the padawan?
At the time I didn't care... I was more caught up in my feelings and the jedi running off to sleep with some whore...
I know, at the age of 4 (almost 5) that he would miss me and it would take some adjustment for him... but I also know that because he has the list of loved ones I named above... in the long run... he'd be just fine... and probably forget about me before too long...
but I'd never be able to forget him... 3 years... man, what a short time to have such a large influence on me!
I sit and think as OK as I feel about living without the Jedi, yea, it'd be rough, but I'd survive... I've come to realize just how much I'd hate to live without his son...
Labels: jedi, padawan, questionable mental state
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