let's see what I can remember...

This probably won't be very coherent... I'll give you bullet points... not in any order what-so-ever...

Last night's talk...

• I told him that I was confused...
• I tried to explain... if I give him a letter saying "Look... it's all or nothing... either be with me or leave me alone!"... and you keep asking me to hang out... does that mean that we're gonna do this?
• He said that he understood why I could see that, but no... it didn't mean he wanted to go there... he just said "I don't understand why things have to change..."
• I did the whole "we're a 'we'! Whether you want to admit it or not, we do EVERYTHING together... how can you not see where I'm having problems with this!"
• He said that he loves having me around and the thought of me being able to "just leave" makes him angry.
• I said that I keep hoping for him to "be ready", and when he is ready... he'll love me the way I love him.
• He says he's not ready...
• I ask "if that's the case why are you making plans to hook up with other women?!?!"
• He says he wasn't/isn't/doesn't want too...
• I called BullShit!
• He tells me that he doesn't want to add to any fantasy that we're going to have more... and that I am his best friend and that if he does ever decide to see other people... that he's sure he'll tell me...
• I said "if that's the case you might as well just call us boyfriend/girlfriend right now, and when that time comes, BREAK UP with me... because that's exactly how it's going to be!!"
• he said "ok!" and started laughing...
• I didn't think it was funny...
• he's so very charming... it makes me want to strangle him... at this point he wants me to open the present
• I tell him I don't want to... I just want to go home...
• he makes me a drink... we talk some more... I finally open the book... I immediately burst into tears again...
• at that point of course... we start to talk about our collections and the condition of the supposedly mint book and things eerily, and way too easily, return to normal...
• He makes cocktails, dinner, and we watch the Mets lose to the Cardinals
• and today was the most sane and reasonable day since Thursday.. UNTIL!!!!!!!

and that's a whole new post... I can't get into it right now... because it's not resolved... but as soon as it's somewhat known what's going on... i'll update!

but to remind myself... I haven't been to Reno and I have no ring on my finger...