he heee he he he... she said "vomit"
sooo... evening update... you ready for this...
I'm about to spew forth verbal vomit that isn't going to make any sense... but hey... I need to just write and write and write until this all comes together somehow and I make a decision...
he bombarded me with emails all morning... I replied as needed... we went to lunch... he sent cutesy jokes and funny emails... (as he also did on Friday)... I didn't reply at all to those... we did discuss Lego's at one point, but I love Lego's... so he knew he had me with that one...
we did go to lunch together, port of subs... our favorite... he got my ice tea and carried the tray... pure gentleman... but he was 90% of the time pre-letter, so I guess he's just acting normal...
we talked about him getting his own checking account... (the jeep still hasn't come up)... but the longer we sat there the more freaked out I got... I eventually took 1/2 an anxiety pill during lunch just so I wouldn't break down and cry in public.
he told me he's sold almost all of his star wars stuff... including all the presents i got him... I'm not sure how that makes me feel. I know I have all the presents except one boxed up ready to return to him... so why should I be upset that he's selling stuff that's worth a lot of money, considering how broke he is (without me).
we didn't email at all after lunch...
when I went to pick him up, I decided he wasn't going to drive home anymore... this ride-share thing was no longer going to be a shared thing... he needs to recognize that I'm the one that's driving him everywhere... in my car... when I allow him to drive 1/2 the time... it's like a "we" thing... until we ARE a "we"... I drive...
anyway... he asks how my afternoon was... i say it was nice, and ask him how his was... he says that he seems to get so much more done after lunch, like he has more energy... and he wondered out loud if eating breakfast would help...
I said "maybe we should start stopping and getting food.... never mind..." realizing that there wasn't going to be an "us" stopping any more... he felt the "catch" in my voice... he put his arm up around my neck and started to rub my neck... i started to cry...
he sat and rubbed my back for a while... we didn't talk... he just let me lean up against the steering wheel and cry and he rubbed and rubbed and rubbed... i finally said "I'm OK" and started to drive... it was... i don't know what the word was... i hate to say it was "nice"... but it was... it was something I wanted...
when we got home, he asked me if I'd come over and have a cocktail and play video games... same thing he asked me on Saturday... I said I needed to go home, send an email, get changed and then I'd call him... I honestly didn't plan on going over.
Less than half an hour later he called me... I hate that I don't know if he's trying to redeem himself to "save" the relationship so he has a ride, computer, x-box and lunch buddy... or if he really wants to save our friendship???
I did go over about 6ish... after talking to my Mom and my BGF. I sat and played Halo2 for a while alone while he folded laundry... and then we played some LegoStarWarsII together... trying to get mini-kits and bricks in free play... he flirted and made light hearted remarks... he got my drink for me and put a bowl of trail mix next to me... made sure I had my pillow for my knee... the honey could have oozed thick he was being so sweet...
he also made me dinner... not us... just me... he can't eat dairy... but he made me a crust-less mexi-pizza (sounds weird, but it's so yummy, all that was missing was the tortilla)... at this point he's on his 3rd (that I saw) cocktail, so he's basically "did you like it? I made it for you... just for you... it's good huh? i made it for you!!!"... I couldn't tell him enough that it was good, I thanked him over and over... then he finally broke...
I wish I had the exact words... but it was something along the lines of "try and find someone up in CANADA that will make your dinner for you and cook up veggies and make them perfectly soft but still crunchy with all that queso........." bla... bla... bla... making fun of my home town (which is NOT in Canada, just northern CA) and how I wont' be happy there... how the only Mexican food I'll get is when the red-necks kill the actual Mexicans and BBQ them for us...it was actually really entertaining...
but I have to admit, part of my smile was the fact that I finally knew I'd hit a nerve... he's upset that I'm considering moving...
I'm about to spew forth verbal vomit that isn't going to make any sense... but hey... I need to just write and write and write until this all comes together somehow and I make a decision...
he bombarded me with emails all morning... I replied as needed... we went to lunch... he sent cutesy jokes and funny emails... (as he also did on Friday)... I didn't reply at all to those... we did discuss Lego's at one point, but I love Lego's... so he knew he had me with that one...
we did go to lunch together, port of subs... our favorite... he got my ice tea and carried the tray... pure gentleman... but he was 90% of the time pre-letter, so I guess he's just acting normal...
we talked about him getting his own checking account... (the jeep still hasn't come up)... but the longer we sat there the more freaked out I got... I eventually took 1/2 an anxiety pill during lunch just so I wouldn't break down and cry in public.
he told me he's sold almost all of his star wars stuff... including all the presents i got him... I'm not sure how that makes me feel. I know I have all the presents except one boxed up ready to return to him... so why should I be upset that he's selling stuff that's worth a lot of money, considering how broke he is (without me).
we didn't email at all after lunch...
when I went to pick him up, I decided he wasn't going to drive home anymore... this ride-share thing was no longer going to be a shared thing... he needs to recognize that I'm the one that's driving him everywhere... in my car... when I allow him to drive 1/2 the time... it's like a "we" thing... until we ARE a "we"... I drive...
anyway... he asks how my afternoon was... i say it was nice, and ask him how his was... he says that he seems to get so much more done after lunch, like he has more energy... and he wondered out loud if eating breakfast would help...
I said "maybe we should start stopping and getting food.... never mind..." realizing that there wasn't going to be an "us" stopping any more... he felt the "catch" in my voice... he put his arm up around my neck and started to rub my neck... i started to cry...
he sat and rubbed my back for a while... we didn't talk... he just let me lean up against the steering wheel and cry and he rubbed and rubbed and rubbed... i finally said "I'm OK" and started to drive... it was... i don't know what the word was... i hate to say it was "nice"... but it was... it was something I wanted...
when we got home, he asked me if I'd come over and have a cocktail and play video games... same thing he asked me on Saturday... I said I needed to go home, send an email, get changed and then I'd call him... I honestly didn't plan on going over.
Less than half an hour later he called me... I hate that I don't know if he's trying to redeem himself to "save" the relationship so he has a ride, computer, x-box and lunch buddy... or if he really wants to save our friendship???
I did go over about 6ish... after talking to my Mom and my BGF. I sat and played Halo2 for a while alone while he folded laundry... and then we played some LegoStarWarsII together... trying to get mini-kits and bricks in free play... he flirted and made light hearted remarks... he got my drink for me and put a bowl of trail mix next to me... made sure I had my pillow for my knee... the honey could have oozed thick he was being so sweet...
he also made me dinner... not us... just me... he can't eat dairy... but he made me a crust-less mexi-pizza (sounds weird, but it's so yummy, all that was missing was the tortilla)... at this point he's on his 3rd (that I saw) cocktail, so he's basically "did you like it? I made it for you... just for you... it's good huh? i made it for you!!!"... I couldn't tell him enough that it was good, I thanked him over and over... then he finally broke...
I wish I had the exact words... but it was something along the lines of "try and find someone up in CANADA that will make your dinner for you and cook up veggies and make them perfectly soft but still crunchy with all that queso........." bla... bla... bla... making fun of my home town (which is NOT in Canada, just northern CA) and how I wont' be happy there... how the only Mexican food I'll get is when the red-necks kill the actual Mexicans and BBQ them for us...it was actually really entertaining...
but I have to admit, part of my smile was the fact that I finally knew I'd hit a nerve... he's upset that I'm considering moving...
Labels: jedi, questionable mental state
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