talent trumped by laziness

Some days I'm not sure exactly what to do with myself... I'm staring thru the front of the store... thinking "If I didn't have to work today..." and "If my knee wasn't broken...." and scores of ideas are crossing my thoughts, when in all reality, I'd probably be sitting on my ass at home, or more likely... still lying in bed.

I hate that my ambition
is hindered by my motivation.

I have hopes and dreams and lists and desires... all sitting in boxes in my basement, or stored at my parents... and it's not because I don't know HOW to do it... it's that

I JUST DON'T.

My mother, who could run circles around Martha Steward for the record, (without the annoying voice... but I digress)... taught me how to pretty much do everything... or if she didn't teach me how to do it, she gave me the confidence to know I can learn. She raised me alone after my father was killed...every day after school I had something to do. (looking back now, I'm sure she did it for her own sanity)

I NEVER went to after school daycare... I was either dancing, crafting, ceramics, learning an instrument, at a tutors, rehearsing at the local performing arts center, 4H, girl scouts, soccer, baseball, tennis, swim team... or at the very least at a play date at a friends...

My grandmother taught me to crochet... my mom taught me to knit & sew... they both had a hand at teaching me to cook & bake.

Even when I was old enough to go home and be alone, I usually didn't... there was always something on my agenda... by the time I was in High School I was a tutor myself, a peer counselor and involved in Young Life.

We camped... REALLY camped... with tents & propane stoves & everything... I learned to hunt & fish... I rode horses & motorcycles... when we went to the nearest big town, rather than being dropped off at the Mall... I went to roller skating lessons.

In the winter I skied... in the summer I had swim team & tennis lessons.... and both seasons had some sort of inner tubing fun at some point.

So now... at the ripe age of 35... I sit and stare out the window... jealous of PC because he went camping last weekend, pissed that I can't go tubing on the river or running on the beach cuz I'm "broken"... excited that a friend has purchased a ski-boat and doubly excited for a Tahoe trip I have planned in July... and realizing that I need to pull some of that talent and knowledge out of this dusty old brain... the interwebz is fun and all, I could happily spend the rest of my days here... but I deserve a lil' bit more....

I'm a personal assistant... I get paid to be creative, organized and "with it"... so why can't I do that with my own dreams?

I've done a lot of party planning as part of my job... I'd love to do that full time rather that spending some of my days picking up dry cleaning and running to the bank. With all the weddings and parties I've attended this year, each one within 10 minutes of it starting I've made a mental list of things I would have done differently to make the event more successful....

So, now... what to do with the dream? Does it get boxed up and stuffed among the others in my basement... or do I attempt to get out there and showcase my abilities?

..... and this is where the title of my post comes in...