i'm over here...

at his house... and his (my) computer is being funny... so I start to play around with deleting temp files and cookies and stuff...

he's got yahoo! IM open, because that's how he talked to me earlier... when he asked me over...

and stupid married slut emails him... and of course yahoo! IM pops up with the "notification"... so I immediately go pale and my stomach implodes...

I didn't read it... but just the simple knowledge of her emailing him, and that they were in the middle of making plans to meet up tonight when I snooped and found all of that out... just made me want to vomit...

I threw the computer back on the table (it's a laptop) and I'm positive my face went pale and I immediately teared up... I looked at him and said "I cannot use that computer... all it does is fuck with me"

He (of course) didn't have a clue what had just happened... I said "you just got an email from married slut..."

He said "I'm sorry... I told her not to email me anymore"... I then tried to explain that it's not HER... I mean she may have been the catalyst to this issue, but it's anyone... I cannot hang out with him if I'm not in a serious relationship with him...

Casual will not work for me... I cannot stand by and watch him have the relationship I want, with anyone else... I refuse.

it's the fact that he's going to continue to tell me one thing and the rest of the world something else... I can't go on like this...

I defined jealousy vs. envy...

he said talking to her isn't worth losing me...

I'm sure this isn't over... I'll update more later...