should I stay...

so today I did what I said I would... right up until I washed my face to go to bed... then I broke... cried... and ended up walking down to see him.

I did not call... I only e-mailed out of "must", never out of just "want". I asked if he wanted to go to lunch or if I should bring him something, he said it was up to me and he was free for lunch... I wanted so bad to just go meet him at noon and spend lunch with him... but I thought long and hard about what he'd done and said... "stay strong Tori..." so I emailed "I'll pick you up something, what would you like?"... he replied that he'd scrounge something up...

I have to keep this up... I have to keep remembering how he explained me to her... that he had to work the system to take care of his son... how he needed to be discreet if he wanted to do his thing... remember all of it T.

If he's not lying to you... he's lying to her ABOUT you... either way... he's a liar... you can't live with that... jealousy is one thing... being jealous AND not able to trust him... deal breaker...

stay away Tori... Stay AWAY! but no... I walk down to the house and sit with him for half an hour... we didn't really talk... but it was nice to just sit... I saw the letter and the card sitting on the arm of the couch... I hope he reads it 1/2 as many times as I have... then maybe he'll understand why I'm doing this...