meh... monday....

I had a "meh" weekend...

Drank too much on Friday night, my own fault... kissed some boy and invited him to a baseball game... I'm almost positive I don't really want to date him... I'm just lonely. Going out to the bar isn't about "cocktails & friends" for me... it's about meeting boys... and I hate that. I always feel like I need to be "on point" and who knows when mr. right will walk in, and I think the pressure and anxiety causes me to drink too much, too fast, and make silly decisions.

God knows the chances of me meeting mr. right in a redneck bar are few & far between, but that doesn't change the way I feel or act.

Saturday I worked and then relaxed... it felt good.

Sunday was spent at Six Flag's Discovery Kingdom. My company has their annual Summer Picnic there, and it's supposed to be a lot of fun. As I have the past 2 years, I went with the Jedi, Padawan & the Padawan's Half Brother. I wasn't going to invite them this year... I wanted to invite Prince Charming first, and if he couldn't go, MMM, that way I could (finally) go on some grown up rides and have some fun, rather than spend half the time watching the kiddie rides & debating on what to do next. The very day that I asked PC to go...Jedi & Padawan asked when we were going to go back to the park. I told them I wasn't sure, we hadn't picked a date yet.

Well, PC ended up declining my invite, & I guess my heartstrings were pulled just enough I just didn't have the balls to go without them. I think they just assumed that because they've gone the past two years... it was a given. It was my fault for not correcting them. I should have just asked MMM to go...

I made it up to MMM (in my own little mind, cuz officially I never even mentioned it to her) by scoring some tickets to her favorite baseball team yesterday. I hope when she reads this she forgives me.

On that note, I'm a fan of TrueWifeConfessions. And although I'm not a wife, her FAQ says we don't have to be...

After looking at the pictures that people took during our outing yesterday... hearing people refer to me as the boys mom... seeing what a happy little family we appear to be... I wrote this...

We broke up nearly 3 years ago... just because we're still in the same neighborhood and work in the same business complex does not mean we'll be "carpool buddies" for ever.

I'm so tired of being your +1 to every fucking event just because you need a ride. People STILL think we're together, they ask when we're getting married, they wonder why we're not more affectionate.

When your mother had a stroke, and I wasn't the one to immediately offer to rush you 3 hours away to be at her side, you had the nerve to give me a guilt trip about it. Then you tell me how your mom, father, brother, grandparents... they still think I'm your girlfriend... the fact that you showed up with your ex-wife caused a huge up-roar in your home town and I'm supposed to be concerned?

The day you looked me in the face, holding my hands, and admitted you weren't over her... that I was your best friend, but you didn't think about me "like that"... you lost out... yes I still worry and I am concerned... but guess what... it's not my problem... it's no longer my duty to take care of you, your son, or any of your family's feeling's, thought's or emotions.

Since we've broken up, we've done Weddings, Funerals, Retirement Parties, Baby Showers & Graduations... but I can almost guarantee... if your car was running, I wouldn't have been invited to any of these events...

Yes... our break up was not a train wreck, and I understand why we're not together.... but how are either of us going to move on if the entire world thinks were a couple?

Fix your damn car...

... now if I only had the balls to send it to him...