I know... I know...
Everyone has made excellent points... and maybe I need to throw a little bit of background onto my story to explain some of my frustration.
My history seems to always go like this...
- Guy shows interest in me... starts to pursue me
- I ask him to slow down... so we can get to know each other...
- we become friends...usually... really good friends...
- and spend a fuckton of time together...
- I start to like him...
- we start to date....
- things are GREAT for about 2 months (average)...
- they slowly pull away until they're gone completely...
Now what I don't understand... is how we can be such great friends... they can "like me" first (usually)... and we'll have a great time when we finally decide to get "serious" and date...and then they decide it's not what they wanted after all... so by this time I've already got time and emotions invested and it's just so much harder to accept that it's not going to work.
I feel like none of these incidents has ever been given the true test... it's almost like the whole "in it for the chase"... but... really... we're talking 6 months to a year... of friendship usually before anything happens... and less than 2 months to be over once the "public" knows we're more than friends...
The only relationship that didn't follow this pattern has been Prince Charming. He & I hit it off immediately... romantically & physically ... he was so sweet & so attentive... a little shy & sometimes even overwhelmed by my actions. But he loved it... he used to text me constantly about how I was too good for him, how beautiful I was... how much he missed me when he was camping or on his Mexico trip... and his drunken texts... ahhh... how I wished I'd saved them. He'd send me pictures of him and his adventures from his phone... he was a GREAT "boyfriend".
He'd call me on Monday to ask me out on Thursday... on Thursday he'd make plans for me on Sunday... We went to dinner, movies, the beach, the city... we'd rent movies and eat popcorn... we'd meet for "just one drink"... and it would... be just one drink... just so we could hang out for 45 minutes...
And yet... it's putzing out the same way... He got busy at the end of May cuz of finals... completely understandable... but then he went away for Memorial Day weekend... and I didn't get a single text... he's come over once since then... and the text messages are next to nil... and he won't return any of my emails... (all 2 of them... come on now, I'm not a glutton for punishment)... He went to do his NASCAR thing, and again... zero text's... no call to say he's back... no pictures of vodka bottle towers...
Part of me wonders if something else is going on in his life... he made his MySpace private... but he doesn't even know I have MySpace... I mean Tori does... but the me he knows doesn't... if he went looking for ME... he wouldn't find me... so I don't think I had any influence on that decision.
He called last night... wanted to hang out... Sunday's have always been "our night"... the only Sunday's we haven't hung out have been Easter, Mothers Day & Fathers Day... or weekends one of us is out of town... I told him I was busy... he sounded disappointed...
I miss him... I miss the us that we were from February thru May... can I have that back please?
EDIT TO ADD: oh ya... one other thing... a TMI statement... but... this is how my messed up mind works...
before he went away on Memorial Day Weekend... the previous weekend he spent the night with me... and for the first time ever... we didn't use condoms... I didn't bring it up, neither did he... previously we usually just grabbed one & it was a natural part of our "routine", it never got in the way of our excitement or passion. We had sex twice that night, and once in the morning... never using a condom...
why do I think this is a part of the problem... did that make it too serious for him? I can't remember if we'd ever discussed birth control... if we had he knows I've got an IUD, but I honestly can't recall... does he think I was trying to "trap him"... and it's not like I can bring that up in casual conversation...
anyway... just goes to show you how much I'm thinking about "What went wrong..." let's hear it for the overactive analyzation of a breakup.
2 Comments:
Maybe it's just me but...I don't want to fuck my friends. Friendship is a different kind of love.
Maybe the problem is that you need to find a guy who is not your friend right off...maybe you need a love rush...spontaneity.
See, the part about where you request the slow down so you can get to know each other? It's almost like self-defeating behaviour because it gets you the same old thing. Are you sabotaging your very own self?
Here's the thing, people are always worried about being hurt. Being rejected. They don't understand that those things happen in established relationships all the time. You have to take a risk.
I recommend you quit with the 'let's slow down' thing and jump right in. Sure you can be hurt or rejected but it's a chance you take.
Some people (Geek & Tense) can start out being friends and then become lovers. I honestly don't know many of them.
My husband became my friend. He started out as one hell of a date. A rush. An "I can't wait to see you again." We didn't start out as friends. We were 2 people who liked each other, who were crazy about each other but honestly,
I don't think he became my friend for a good 3 years. That came after a really bad time between us where we learned that love doesn't always bring acceptance and had to learn how to be nicer to each other...seriously.
I'm just trying to say that changing your MO would be a good thing. I'm also trying to tell you that sometimes relationships can really fucking suck and you have to bend and sway and change some of your evil ways. Relationships require a level of giving and REAL acceptance...good, bad...ugly...that apparently 52% of married people can't achieve.
If what you're doing isn't working for you, it's time to find a new way.
Yeah. What Miss Ann said. She's right 99.9% of the time dontcha know.
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