begin rant...
I hate being single... absolutely hate it... it makes me feel like a giant failure in life...
I'm successful in my career... (although I question it almost daily)... my education... my family life... but being 35 and never being in a working relationship... makes me feel socially retarded... like you're only allowed to be "good" at so many things... and since God handed out the red hair, blue eyes & nice legs... he had to make me fat and unlovable.... (and yes... i know i'm loved... but not the way you "taken" people are... and i don't care what you say... there is a difference...)
it took surgery to make me no longer obese... although I'm less comfortable naked now than I was at damned near 300 pounds...
do they have a surgery out there that will fix a broken heart???
it's so ironic that i grew up saying i didn't want kids and didn't need a marriage to be happy... i never meant that to mean i wanted to be alone... i just meant that i could love & be loved without all the legal paperwork and stuff...
I've used to say I wanted to be in a relationship where I'm with someone who loved me as much as I loved them... you know what that got me... FRIENDS... yep... I love them... they love me... but never more than friends... and I know that I should be happy with my friends... but I'm not... I want more....
So... at the risk of sounding slutty... I'm changing my request... I want to be with a man who wants sex every night... and I want to love him so much I want it too... I want to feel wanted... as well as loved...
I understand good relationships aren't built on sex... and I accept that there is soooo much more needed to make a relationship successful... but if I'm with someone, who at the end of the night still wants to kiss me and love me and take me to bed... and I'm happy and feel wanted enough to oblige... what could be better?
comments are open... flame away....
/end rant
9 Comments:
i dunno. ten years ago i saw a dude i wanted to sleep with. the first few months it was all about sex and nothing else. We weren't even dating each other, just sex.
now we have been married almost eight years.
sometimes sex can be the first building block.
just sayin'
I was 34 when I got married. I did like being single. I also remember being occasionally lonely.
But in direct contrast to bpr, my worst relationship ever was born out of just wanting to get laid. He wouldn't just go the fuck away and I was just lonely and dare I say desperate/needy enough to not make him go the fuck away. He cleared up any further problems I might have with loneliness...I realised I'd rather be lonely than deal with that shit again.
The moral of the story is that love knows no age and just getting laid...even if the person wants you...and want and love are very different...can get you in a world of shit.
Also in the event you didn't get the memo, you can love a person deeply and not want them or be wanted by them everyday. Love means a certain level of being taken for granted which is not necessarily a bad thing imo, provided it doesn't turn into apathy. Comfort is a good thing as far as I'm concerned.
Some people (I dated one once) need to be in love always. You can't do that. The bloom wears off the rose and that state of constant excitement and want does not last. Comfort sets in and people either really want that (me) settling in or they want the rush (not me) of the new lust/falling in love thing or they get bored. I knew the guy I dated with the stars in his eyes would dump me right after the thrill faded because he needed that feeling.
That's not to say you won't ever feel that rush ever again, you will but it's not a constant thing.
Work, kids, friends, alone time all get in the way and that's the way it's supposed to be. I think trying to maintain starry eyes is probably unhealthy because it's not reality.
I worship my husband but ya know, I don't want to (OMFG!) get laid everynight. Hell, I don't want to talk to him all the time either. We do well because we like our space and we respect each others space. I could never be with a clingy "tick on my ass" guy.
We'll be married 10 years in August and I still think he's the best ever but let me tell ya, it's not always fun and it's not always hap-hap-happy. Ans sometimes, depending on what's going on in your life, you can go weeks without sex and barely notice. Honest.
Should I flame you now or save it for my next hideously long comment?
Being overweight fucks with your head so much, you can't even begin to understand it until you've been there. I think it's even worse to get all the attention when you're thin; during my lower-weight times, I'm always like, where the fuck were you 50 lbs ago?
I went through the same thing after I got divorced. My ex and I rarely had sex during the last year or two of our marriage, and I just wanted to be desired. I wanted to have that power over a man. I thought that sex would be the way to heal my broken heart. Instead, I got sucked into the two-year hot mess that was BoyToy.
If you want to get laid, get laid. Just be careful. Guard your heart, sweetie. You'll find a man that sees the beauty in you that we all see.
Oh shit, now I'm getting all teary!
I know this is not the direction you want to go but getting happy with self may be the best thing right now. Center yourself then wrap yourself with really good friends, even the kind with benefits. You might be surprised at the end...no pun intended. Tense and I started out as good friends and we've been married for 11 years now.
Nothing wrong at all with the way you feel. My husband still wants me very much after 13 years together (11 years married), and you're right, it does feel good. But Miss Ann is right, it's such a small part of being in love, and there are times when that feeling fades, and you begin to wonder if it will ever come back. It's WORK to keep that feeling alive, and so many, make that most people are not willing to do the work necessary to make love and lust work together for the most fulfilling kind of relationship. Geek wanted me / lusted after me first, but before he "got" me, we became best friends, and then everything else fell into place. Don't write off those friends who love you, but make sure YOU love you first. Good men pick up on that kind of thing, and they tend to chase after that kind of woman.
I sometimes feel the same way. I don't know what it's like to be overweight, I never was. But I know how it feels to hate being single. I once hated being single maybe as much as you do.
I learned to accept myself for who/what I was and in turn, I found I accepted others for who/what they are. I don't know how that helped, but I've found an inner peace. With that inner peace, I stopped hating being single. I've just kind of moved ahead with my life and I know that my Higher Power (God) will bring that special one into my life when I'm ready.
If I'm not ready for him, it will never happen. I've learned over the years I have to be happy with myself - all aspects of myself - before I can find the person who will love and desire me.
I get a lot of guys who desire me and I have a lot of guys who love me as a friend. I want the happy median and one day I will find that. I have faith and believe in it.
Maybe that's a place you need to get too? Yes I have my drama with men, cause I let it happen.
There is nothing wrong with how you're feeling. You have a right to feel however you feel. Take what you're feeling and learn from it, don't let it make you so unhappy.
You deserve happiness and you will find it. You just have to believe in it.
:)
BPR~ I know it can start either way... I just don't know how to keep them
MissAnn ~ I love how you always speak your mind... more than once you've been the voice of reason that "i may not want to hear"... and I appreciate it!
Monique ~ I can get laid... I just can't get someone to stick around... ya know?
Geek & Tense... you guys are the role models and I aspire to have something like you guys... I understand it's not easy... I just want the chance to try...
Soda... you're right too... I know I need to be OK with myself... more to come on that note.
The voice of reason. Hmmm...I see a tag line in there somewhere.
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