Well what do ya know???
I always wonder if what I'm writing really matters, and then I instantly think and remind myself, "who cares?"...
I started this blog during a crisis, and honestly, only did so because I started feeling lame for bitching and whining about guy troubles in the online forum I frequented... I figured there were quite a few people on that forum that didn't give two shits about my "so called" crisis, but the ones who did could make the effort to click a link in my signature and keep up...
I was cheap therapy... helped me get my thoughts straight... and made me realize just how silly and petty (and stupid and "caught up") my emotions were... it really made me realize I wasn't living my life for ME... and I'm so thankful I didn't waste any more time going thru a roller coaster of painful emotions...
I suppose I should thank some of the half dozen readers I have for their comments. Many times they kept me on the straight and narrow... and although I still love the Jedi... it's a totally different kind of love... I'm so glad I didn't cut him entirely out of my life... but even more happy that all I have to do is look back on some of my first posts to know it's never going to be more than a friendship. He really came thru as a friend these past few months... me losing a job and getting sick all with a few days of each other... he has earned the title of "great friend"
I wonder if I blogged back in my late 20's, if that hideous mistake of a relationship would have only lasted a 2-3 years instead of 7??? I can't even stand to talk about it anymore, ugh... so obviously it's not a story I need to re-tell... but I can only imagine what those posts would have been like.... Ug-Ly!
ummmm... I got a little off track... this post was just going to be short & sweet... a thank you to the man who occasionally visits my dreams for coffee & a movie... even if we argue about which movie to see and what type of coffee is palatable... (in my dreams we argue... not in real life...) although hazelnut flavored coffee is perfectly acceptable in my world...
As a thank you Dawg... I leave you with this.... I hope it meets your "jean wearing" standards!
3 Comments:
What I especially like about you is that you allow your vulnerability to come through...the kind of vulnerability that other people might judge you on. That is incredibly hard but you do it.
I respect the hell out of that. You put the apple on your head and say, "Go ahead. Try." And I can tell you get scared and I can tell that what people think matters to you but you suck it up like a big girl because whether you know it or not, you've come to accept yourself.
Over time, I've seen you go from someone whose self esteem was poor...really poor...to someone who is learning to love herself.
In the end, I think you're stronger than me. I don't know that I would be so willing to share as much of myself as you have.
You know Tori, I have been with you mostly through the Jedi thing, and I want to let you know that you were A) never a bother to me B) wow what a wonderful and remarkable woman who has come out of the other side - you are strong and tall and should be so proud of who you have become
You have a great blog Tori!
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